So today I read an interesting op-ed on WSJ online. It outlined 10 things the author wished had been told to him at his college commencement. While several of the 10 I found interesting, there was a particular note that was of relevance to this blog.
"8. Don't model your life after a circus animal. Performing animals do tricks because their trainers throw them peanuts or small fish for doing so. You should aspire to do better. You will be a friend, a parent, a coach, an employee—and so on. But only in your job will you be explicitly evaluated and rewarded for your performance. Don't let your life decisions be distorted by the fact that your boss is the only one tossing you peanuts. If you leave a work task undone in order to meet a friend for dinner, then you are "shirking" your work. But it's also true that if you cancel dinner to finish your work, then you are shirking your friendship. That's just not how we usually think of it."
I am lucky enough to be at an investment bank where our Nashville location is just me and my boss in our office. He's very interested in work-life balance (partly due to his fabulous wife who has no trouble putting her foot down) and is accommodating when I need to take care of personal matters such as "Rhett Butler is having another seizure and I am going to be 2 hrs late today because he has to be taken to the vet" or letting me WOD in the morning or during lunch if we're going to have a networking obligation at night. As long as the work gets done (sometimes at 3 in the morning) and the clients are satisfied, and let's face it - we're producing the big bucks for the bigger company, he's flexible to a point.
But even with that lucky draw of flexibility in a very unlikely place, I, as do others, have the tendency to put work first. This is America. We're known for being the culture where we are what we do, and what we do is work. At social events, including the cookout we had at CrossFit Music City on Saturday, we identify ourselves by our career - "Hi. I'm O. I coach the 6am class and my real job is investment banking." I'm not saying that we change our introductions to "Hi. I'm Teresa and I'm an awesome friend." We still get to know people based on objective tangible observations. But I am thinking that I need to do a better job of not only valuing myself beyond my job, but reflecting that value with my time and energy.
Your performance as a CrossFitter, and as a person, should matter to you. Your performance at work should matter to you. We show our values as people by where we put our time and energy. Yes the demands of survival in the modern day (paying rent, bills, supporting dependents, etc.) mean that work usually tops the priority list. And that shouldn't be taken as a judgment - it means that you value taking care of your responsibilities to yourself and your dependents. But the op-ed makes the excellent point regarding how we evaluate our performance. We look to our paychecks, feedback from our bosses, and our performance reviews (yours truly has one coming up). But we need to make sure we evaluate on a regular basis the other areas of our life. What feedback is our coach giving us as a CrossFitter? What feedback are our athletes giving to us as coaches? What feedback are we getting with regards to our relationships?
The article leaves me considering this feedback issue and my need to pay better attention to the different feedback systems I have in my life. With regards to CrossFit, it not just about Stacey's reviews of my performance, but also the hard, cold numbers. Am I unhappy about my progress? It's pace and degree? If not, is it because I've been shirking my duties to myself as CrossFitter? Have I been consistent in the gym with my time and energy? Should I consider my lack of devotion to proper sleep as shirking several aspects of my life (including my job)? (I know Twinkie's ready to jump on that one). Outside of CrossFit, am I putting into my friendships what I want to get out of them?
At the end of the day, yes my job is going to direct many of my decisions, particularly regarding time allocations, and that is primarily because I feel that I cannot afford to risk my job. But, I should recognize that when I shirk other areas, I risk my health, my friendships, and my overall happiness - and these are things that I cannot afford to lose either. And while they may be more forgiving, I shouldn't take for granted that they are.
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