V-Cards, a Horse Stall, and Mousclestache

I am a peddler.  A common street vendor promising you all the happiness of life, bottled up in a simple recipe.  Upfront about the hefty price compared to that oh so generic Globo gym and its pantheon of machines.  But wowing you with the wonderous rewards that make the cost seem like the steal of a lifetime.  It is clear to most that what I peddle is CrossFit.  But what makes me a great peddler is that I have an entire box of products which you must try that are all interrelated and you must take part in every deal to truly reap the rewards that you never knew you were living in such poor deprivation of before.

Today's deal is....CrossFit Competition V-Cards.  For the low low price of a weekend in Ohatchee, AL (re: middle of nowhere) you too can partake in the thrill of a CrossFit Competition with over 200 participants, great CrossFit camaraderie, plenty of CrossFit gear to purchase, the blood sweat and tears of at least 3 WODs, and the priceless accomplishment that is surviving your first CrossFit competition to join the even higher ranks of CrossFit insanity.  Or at least that's how I peddled the First Annual Brute Fitness Barnyard Throwdown Team Competition to my girl Dayna.  Back in December I convinced my fellow Crossfitter of only 3 months that she was competition ready.  That it was a team competition.  That her husband and I would make great teammates and it would be the most fun anyone every had losing their Competition v-card.  Then January 14 came quickly approaching and with it...trouble.

Maybe we'll just be a twosome..

First, Twinkie had to back out for work purposes.  Uh-oh.  We needed a third.  I harassed everyone.  I called friends in Mississippi, Lower Alabama, South Carolina, Pensacola (ok Lexy - that wasn't a real request, but I hadn't harassed you in awhile), Georgia, Tennessee....I bothered everyone of my fellow coaches at CrossFit Music City.  I even tried to bribe my own coach, Dickey Blaze, by promising that I'd be the best, most obedient, most perfectest athlete ever if he'd come and compete with us.  I used the lure of sparkly shiny things.  I promised fun, excitement, ADVENTURE!  I even tried guilt - it was D's first competition AND HER BIRTHDAY!  Who could say no to that?  Apparently, a lot of people. But fortunately, two nights before the competition, my wonderful Dee Grimes and Cole Leighton came through and promised that they would have someone for me.  My very own third.  Yay!

Officially Team MisFits

Spider Monkey sadly without Kill Cliff in the picture

Where's Kathleen? - Crystal and I missing a very important element to our amazingness

Then, there was the issue of the WODs.  Dee let me know what these were the week before the competition (awesome to have connections...you get to stress out a whole 36 hrs earlier than everyone else).  Which I excitedly shared with my Team TBD (as in Dee had us register as team To Be Determined until we knew who our 3rd would be).  Well Dayna wasn't exactly thrilled.  Thrilled there would not be pullups, but not so thrilled about 100 135# deadlifts.  I assured her that we would be fine....She only had to pull the weight up once and even though her max was 115#, people PR at events all the time.  Me and whoever the 3rd would be could handle the over 99 deadlifts.  But the loss of Twinkie and the general nerves of deadlifts sunk in, and so I promised her that come competition time, if we weren't feeling it, scaled we would go.

And then...I got the flu.  And not the sniffle sniffle kitten sneeze type flu.  The miss work, don't train, head in a vice grip flu.  But I'd be damned if I was going to pull out early.  You can't do that to a first-timer.  It's wrong.  So I Nyquilled it up, put on my game face, and got my tush to Ohatchee to meet up with Dayna and our unknown third.  Not to mention, I had a Spider Monkey and my buddy Crystal that I couldn't miss seeing (and stocking up on Kill Cliff - Spider Monkey's a peddler too).  Plus who could pass up on this motivation...

Day of Competition:

I meet up with some CrossFitters from CrossFit Huntsville who let me know that our third, Jimmy, is coming with K Lowe and Team Mousclestache...uh-oh.  So they'll be an hour late.  Awesome.  Talk to Jonah, and he assures me that we'll be fine, we'll find another third, or heck, Dayna and I will be the bad ass team of 2 girls raging against the machine!  Luckily for once KLowe was not an hr late as predicted, and got there a couple of heats before ours.

CrossFit Huntsville V-Card Holder, Tracy, showing Mousclestache love

WOD 1 - 75 wall balls, mile trail run.  AWESOME.  And who took first?  That'd be Team Misfits (formerly known as Team TBD) - as in I stole the marker and changed the our name....but not our time.  I promise.  Way to put our team at ease.  Especially me, since I find out that the fun and awesomeness of the first-time for 2 people is upon my shoulders.  After WOD 1, when we're already deep in the competition, Jimmy taps me on the shoulder and whispers softly, this is my first time too.

WOD 2 - Move 9 logs from the bottom of a hill to the top and back down.  No you do not get to roll the logs.  And while you're at it, do 75 burpees.  Team Misfits wanting to maintain our first place position (what can I say - sometimes you don't want to change positions) tried to strattegize this.  Jimmy and I figured we could load 3 logs on the two of us, and Dayna could get one up the hill.  Minimize the trips.  But as all well laid plans go this failed - we failed to account for the fact that I have short arms and could not steadily hold 3 logs.  Fail.  Lose seconds throwing out the strategy and having to add trips getting a total of 3 logs up at a time instead of 4.  But even with that, we finished this WOD in 5th, setting us securely in 2nd going into WOD 3.  I guess a change in position isn't the end of the world.

Yay for the top of the hill

Pink shorts make Spider Monkeys strong

WOD 3 - Tug-of-war.  Now we did not have the most exciting of Tug-of-wars.  Dayna and I combined maybe weight 250 and Jimmy isn't exctly a heavy weight.  And of course we went against a team of 2 guys and a girl.  Awesome.  We pulled and we tried and well...out round one.  But this wod should not be downplayed.  There were plenty of interesting matches.  And I'm happy to say that Scaled was won by Team Harem from CrossFit Innovate consisting of 2 girls and a guy (that's right!  Don't underestimate the 2 women teams). On top of that my favorite Brute, Brandi Vance Warren (one of my original CrossFit friends from CrossFit Northridge circa 2008 - aka 3 lifetimes ago), kicked butt and tried to break her knee in the process.  Her doctor husband didn't say, "No hunny. Your competitive spirit will you prevent you from holding back at a competition and you may hurt that bum knee even worse.  You should probably sit this one out."  Hell no he didn't.  He's a peddler too!  But that is not why this event was epic.  This is not why there will be a movie.  No it is because...

Lo and behold, THE tug-of-war to end all tug-of-wars happened at this very competition.  A Tug-of-War that will go down in history.  The scars of which will live on forever emblazoned on the forearms of the competitors and the poor fragile minds of the children watching.  A cherished memory dearer to our hearts than Robots v. Wrestlers.  Mousclestache v. Iron Tribe!  K Lowe, Cole, and Emily on one side proudly making up Mouslestache going head to head against Iron Tribe's Jessica, Zach and some other really big guy.  Best of 3.  Try 1 we knew this was going to be one hell of a match up.  The rope didn't budge.  Both teams pulling.  Cole anchored in and K Lowe straddling the rope (sorry if he wanted more kids), Emily in between them.  Jessica digging in her heals.  Everyone screaming at the top of their lungs.  Hell I don't even know who won the first pull or the second.  But the 3rd....oh that 3rd tug.  To this day, we don't know if that match should have been called a draw or not.  It was ugly.  Both teams laying on the ground, exhausted and still finding strength somewhere (clearly Spider Monkey had given both teams Kill Cliff).  The crowd lept into a roar thinking Mousclestache had won it.  Someone had called it. BUT NO!  the tape didn't actually cross the line, it simply kissed it.  Iron Tribe quickly to their feet to pull again.  The war waged on and in a final effort Iron Tribe pulled it off.  K Lowe and Cole fully bloodied on their arms.  And both teams done.

Team Mousclestache All Set to Pull

Team Iron Tribe

Are we Done?

Nope....don't give up!

Oh but wait...top 5 teams for scaled and top 10 for rx had 2 more wods to go....WTF!  You're not done yet?  I finished already!  Or at least that's what was all over K Lowe's face.  As they announced the top 5, and Team MisFits were in 4th, Dayna and I like typical women were excited to go again.  We weren't just going to roll over and go to sleep.  This is FUN!  Which of my other friends would be joining in - Team Harem from Innovate, Mousclestache, Iron Tribe, Dr. & The Degenerates (Brandi's team), Team Goose also from Innovate, and the Enforcers (Crystal's team).  After that tug-of-war wod though, Jonah, our fantabulous organizer and awesome friend from Brute Fitness, called over all the team captains and said listen, we're all here for the beer anyway, and we're running late, and wod 5 is clearly more fun than wod 4, so how about we skip that one and get to the good stuff.

Finally met Spider Monkey's better-half - A Very Bad Ass Karen

I was not exactly in a position to argue with such sound logic....even though WOD 4 was right up my team's ally - hello more running and squats!  But on to WOD 5!

Some awesome Brutes thinking they're day is over...

WOD 5 - in a horse's stall (i do not believe the horses received rent for this lease) perform 100 KB swings, 100 deadlifts, and a 2000 m row as a team.  Climb out of the stall, jump over a fence and sprint to the finish line.  Why did I think this would be easy peasy?  Because I'm a crazy person.  Because this is real CrossFit fun.  Because this will make it not only a great first experience, but make it so that there's no way you could wait long before doing this tom foolery again.  

End of the day, Team MisFits ended up in 4th.  Not bad for 2 no longer V-Card holders and me.  Brute Fitness put on a great event and I'm glad that Dee had sold it to me.  It will definitely be going into the marketing material for the next time I'm selling someone on the amazingness that is CrossFit Comeptition.

So proud of my no longer a Competition V-Card holder

Team MisFits - Post WOD "5"

Watch out CrossFit Music City - I believe I have some V-Cards to collect, Shaunna ;)