V-Cards, a Horse Stall, and Mousclestache

I am a peddler.  A common street vendor promising you all the happiness of life, bottled up in a simple recipe.  Upfront about the hefty price compared to that oh so generic Globo gym and its pantheon of machines.  But wowing you with the wonderous rewards that make the cost seem like the steal of a lifetime.  It is clear to most that what I peddle is CrossFit.  But what makes me a great peddler is that I have an entire box of products which you must try that are all interrelated and you must take part in every deal to truly reap the rewards that you never knew you were living in such poor deprivation of before.

Today's deal is....CrossFit Competition V-Cards.  For the low low price of a weekend in Ohatchee, AL (re: middle of nowhere) you too can partake in the thrill of a CrossFit Competition with over 200 participants, great CrossFit camaraderie, plenty of CrossFit gear to purchase, the blood sweat and tears of at least 3 WODs, and the priceless accomplishment that is surviving your first CrossFit competition to join the even higher ranks of CrossFit insanity.  Or at least that's how I peddled the First Annual Brute Fitness Barnyard Throwdown Team Competition to my girl Dayna.  Back in December I convinced my fellow Crossfitter of only 3 months that she was competition ready.  That it was a team competition.  That her husband and I would make great teammates and it would be the most fun anyone every had losing their Competition v-card.  Then January 14 came quickly approaching and with it...trouble.

Maybe we'll just be a twosome..

First, Twinkie had to back out for work purposes.  Uh-oh.  We needed a third.  I harassed everyone.  I called friends in Mississippi, Lower Alabama, South Carolina, Pensacola (ok Lexy - that wasn't a real request, but I hadn't harassed you in awhile), Georgia, Tennessee....I bothered everyone of my fellow coaches at CrossFit Music City.  I even tried to bribe my own coach, Dickey Blaze, by promising that I'd be the best, most obedient, most perfectest athlete ever if he'd come and compete with us.  I used the lure of sparkly shiny things.  I promised fun, excitement, ADVENTURE!  I even tried guilt - it was D's first competition AND HER BIRTHDAY!  Who could say no to that?  Apparently, a lot of people. But fortunately, two nights before the competition, my wonderful Dee Grimes and Cole Leighton came through and promised that they would have someone for me.  My very own third.  Yay!

Officially Team MisFits

Spider Monkey sadly without Kill Cliff in the picture

Where's Kathleen? - Crystal and I missing a very important element to our amazingness

Then, there was the issue of the WODs.  Dee let me know what these were the week before the competition (awesome to have connections...you get to stress out a whole 36 hrs earlier than everyone else).  Which I excitedly shared with my Team TBD (as in Dee had us register as team To Be Determined until we knew who our 3rd would be).  Well Dayna wasn't exactly thrilled.  Thrilled there would not be pullups, but not so thrilled about 100 135# deadlifts.  I assured her that we would be fine....She only had to pull the weight up once and even though her max was 115#, people PR at events all the time.  Me and whoever the 3rd would be could handle the over 99 deadlifts.  But the loss of Twinkie and the general nerves of deadlifts sunk in, and so I promised her that come competition time, if we weren't feeling it, scaled we would go.

And then...I got the flu.  And not the sniffle sniffle kitten sneeze type flu.  The miss work, don't train, head in a vice grip flu.  But I'd be damned if I was going to pull out early.  You can't do that to a first-timer.  It's wrong.  So I Nyquilled it up, put on my game face, and got my tush to Ohatchee to meet up with Dayna and our unknown third.  Not to mention, I had a Spider Monkey and my buddy Crystal that I couldn't miss seeing (and stocking up on Kill Cliff - Spider Monkey's a peddler too).  Plus who could pass up on this motivation...

Day of Competition:

I meet up with some CrossFitters from CrossFit Huntsville who let me know that our third, Jimmy, is coming with K Lowe and Team Mousclestache...uh-oh.  So they'll be an hour late.  Awesome.  Talk to Jonah, and he assures me that we'll be fine, we'll find another third, or heck, Dayna and I will be the bad ass team of 2 girls raging against the machine!  Luckily for once KLowe was not an hr late as predicted, and got there a couple of heats before ours.

CrossFit Huntsville V-Card Holder, Tracy, showing Mousclestache love

WOD 1 - 75 wall balls, mile trail run.  AWESOME.  And who took first?  That'd be Team Misfits (formerly known as Team TBD) - as in I stole the marker and changed the our name....but not our time.  I promise.  Way to put our team at ease.  Especially me, since I find out that the fun and awesomeness of the first-time for 2 people is upon my shoulders.  After WOD 1, when we're already deep in the competition, Jimmy taps me on the shoulder and whispers softly, this is my first time too.

WOD 2 - Move 9 logs from the bottom of a hill to the top and back down.  No you do not get to roll the logs.  And while you're at it, do 75 burpees.  Team Misfits wanting to maintain our first place position (what can I say - sometimes you don't want to change positions) tried to strattegize this.  Jimmy and I figured we could load 3 logs on the two of us, and Dayna could get one up the hill.  Minimize the trips.  But as all well laid plans go this failed - we failed to account for the fact that I have short arms and could not steadily hold 3 logs.  Fail.  Lose seconds throwing out the strategy and having to add trips getting a total of 3 logs up at a time instead of 4.  But even with that, we finished this WOD in 5th, setting us securely in 2nd going into WOD 3.  I guess a change in position isn't the end of the world.

Yay for the top of the hill

Pink shorts make Spider Monkeys strong

WOD 3 - Tug-of-war.  Now we did not have the most exciting of Tug-of-wars.  Dayna and I combined maybe weight 250 and Jimmy isn't exctly a heavy weight.  And of course we went against a team of 2 guys and a girl.  Awesome.  We pulled and we tried and well...out round one.  But this wod should not be downplayed.  There were plenty of interesting matches.  And I'm happy to say that Scaled was won by Team Harem from CrossFit Innovate consisting of 2 girls and a guy (that's right!  Don't underestimate the 2 women teams). On top of that my favorite Brute, Brandi Vance Warren (one of my original CrossFit friends from CrossFit Northridge circa 2008 - aka 3 lifetimes ago), kicked butt and tried to break her knee in the process.  Her doctor husband didn't say, "No hunny. Your competitive spirit will you prevent you from holding back at a competition and you may hurt that bum knee even worse.  You should probably sit this one out."  Hell no he didn't.  He's a peddler too!  But that is not why this event was epic.  This is not why there will be a movie.  No it is because...

Lo and behold, THE tug-of-war to end all tug-of-wars happened at this very competition.  A Tug-of-War that will go down in history.  The scars of which will live on forever emblazoned on the forearms of the competitors and the poor fragile minds of the children watching.  A cherished memory dearer to our hearts than Robots v. Wrestlers.  Mousclestache v. Iron Tribe!  K Lowe, Cole, and Emily on one side proudly making up Mouslestache going head to head against Iron Tribe's Jessica, Zach and some other really big guy.  Best of 3.  Try 1 we knew this was going to be one hell of a match up.  The rope didn't budge.  Both teams pulling.  Cole anchored in and K Lowe straddling the rope (sorry if he wanted more kids), Emily in between them.  Jessica digging in her heals.  Everyone screaming at the top of their lungs.  Hell I don't even know who won the first pull or the second.  But the 3rd....oh that 3rd tug.  To this day, we don't know if that match should have been called a draw or not.  It was ugly.  Both teams laying on the ground, exhausted and still finding strength somewhere (clearly Spider Monkey had given both teams Kill Cliff).  The crowd lept into a roar thinking Mousclestache had won it.  Someone had called it. BUT NO!  the tape didn't actually cross the line, it simply kissed it.  Iron Tribe quickly to their feet to pull again.  The war waged on and in a final effort Iron Tribe pulled it off.  K Lowe and Cole fully bloodied on their arms.  And both teams done.

Team Mousclestache All Set to Pull

Team Iron Tribe

Are we Done?

Nope....don't give up!

Oh but wait...top 5 teams for scaled and top 10 for rx had 2 more wods to go....WTF!  You're not done yet?  I finished already!  Or at least that's what was all over K Lowe's face.  As they announced the top 5, and Team MisFits were in 4th, Dayna and I like typical women were excited to go again.  We weren't just going to roll over and go to sleep.  This is FUN!  Which of my other friends would be joining in - Team Harem from Innovate, Mousclestache, Iron Tribe, Dr. & The Degenerates (Brandi's team), Team Goose also from Innovate, and the Enforcers (Crystal's team).  After that tug-of-war wod though, Jonah, our fantabulous organizer and awesome friend from Brute Fitness, called over all the team captains and said listen, we're all here for the beer anyway, and we're running late, and wod 5 is clearly more fun than wod 4, so how about we skip that one and get to the good stuff.

Finally met Spider Monkey's better-half - A Very Bad Ass Karen

I was not exactly in a position to argue with such sound logic....even though WOD 4 was right up my team's ally - hello more running and squats!  But on to WOD 5!

Some awesome Brutes thinking they're day is over...

WOD 5 - in a horse's stall (i do not believe the horses received rent for this lease) perform 100 KB swings, 100 deadlifts, and a 2000 m row as a team.  Climb out of the stall, jump over a fence and sprint to the finish line.  Why did I think this would be easy peasy?  Because I'm a crazy person.  Because this is real CrossFit fun.  Because this will make it not only a great first experience, but make it so that there's no way you could wait long before doing this tom foolery again.  

End of the day, Team MisFits ended up in 4th.  Not bad for 2 no longer V-Card holders and me.  Brute Fitness put on a great event and I'm glad that Dee had sold it to me.  It will definitely be going into the marketing material for the next time I'm selling someone on the amazingness that is CrossFit Comeptition.

So proud of my no longer a Competition V-Card holder

Team MisFits - Post WOD "5"

Watch out CrossFit Music City - I believe I have some V-Cards to collect, Shaunna ;)

“Trust the Process” and Other Crap that Comes Out of Dickey Blaze’s Mouth

Yay 2012!  It’s a new year (so I’m a week or so late), and while I’m not a “New Year’s resolutions” type (really?  let’s wait until January 1 to make changes, refer to previous post to see my opinion about living life by a calendar), everyone is talking about their goals for the upcoming year, which means I can’t help but to zoom my focus in on how can I make my CrossFit life better.  Luckily, I have an awesome coach, Dickey Blaze (formerly known as Stacey) to sit down with me to seriously and realistically evaluate where I can go in this awesome sport.  So a couple of weeks ago, we did just that – went over all of my max lifts, how long it took me to get there, and set goals for the upcoming months.  I’ve been doing this O-lift class for a month, I thought “damn I’m going to get strong!”

But wait!  Stop the presses!  Dickey Blaze is a bit of a bastard so he’s going to introduce more change into my life.  Me and change and trust are the not lifelong BFFs – No we’re more like the high school frenemies that share a limo to prom and smile in pictures, but deep down know that we’re going to roll our eyes and make snide comments if the other gets named queen (what a hoe!).  Last week started “Games Prep” for those of us at CrossFit Music City who like to compete.  And unlike what the name suggests, Games Prep is not just for those who actually have a shot at making it to Regionals.  It’s a program aimed for those of us who want to do the Garage Games Series or any of the other CrossFit competitions that come up.  Stacey, whoops, Dickey Blaze, has meticulously crafted a program that is going to make us awesome!  Change I should embrace right?  And I did put on the prom smile when he first told me about it.  But then Games Prep actually started….

I came in on Monday, saw the board, and thought a string of profanities that would get me booted off the internet.  In Blaze’s drafting class style writing was:

Standard Warm-up

Max rep STRICT pull-ups. Split total in half and do sets at that number until you have accumulated 20 (guys)/ 10 (gals) strict pull-ups.  

Butterfly Practice. 5 x 10 butterfly rotations using the box.

Strength: Use 20 minutes to warm up to 80% of your 1 RM of strict press.  Then do 4 sets of 3 at that weight.

Metcon: 8 min AMRAP of 4 HSPU, 8 KB Swings (53/35), and 12 GHD situps.

Well puke like you have motion sickness and we’re doing row, row, row the boat for 26.2 again.  This did not go well.  I am Dickey Blaze’s problem child.  He had to have me use bands on the negatives (because I can’t do a strict pull up – awesome!) because of my wonderful shoulder imbalance.  It was almost comical at first with my right arm popping out half way down every time.  But Blaze did not realize that the true comedy routine would be in the HSPU.  I was in the most special of the special ed version of HSPU.   I try to keep in mind that it was not until August that I started working on not being afraid of being upside down (and yes that is a completely rational fear.  Breaking your neck from HSPUs is up there with midgets in clown costumes on my fear level).  But needless to say, it’s aggravating to waste so much of a short 8 min amrap on conquering that fear of being upside down.  You waste even more time when you get stuck at the bottom, with your head on the floor, looking like you’re stroking out trying to push yourself back up.  This time compounds itself to infinity when Dickey Blaze realizes you are indeed not stroking out, you are simply stuck, and it is truly the comical moment of the night when this happens not once, not twice, but three times. 

So the first night of Games Prep did not go pretty.  Shake it off.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Except in the world of Dickey Blaze hates Opal tomorrow is NOT a new day.  Oh no sir! The next 6 or so weeks get to be Opal’s Comedy of Errors working on skills she stinks at.  The next day – more negative pull-ups and monkey bar work.  Day 3 – more negative pull-ups, ring dips, and muscle up transitions.  Day 4 – more negative pull-ups and monkey bar work.  Are we seeing a pattern?  The pattern is continuous frustration and wanting to give up because I was tired of coming into the gym EVERY DAY and feeling like the worst person in CrossFit.

But contrary to the belief that Dickey Blaze was trying to break me, in reality the hellacious workouts that focus on my weaknesses are like your mother baking you muffins after you say you want to lose 5 lbs.  She does it because she cares – and she’s testing you!  Evil mama.  Evil Blaze.  He cares that we get better.   He knows we are only as strong as how we conquer our weaknesses.  And he’s testing our mental fortitude.   I realize that….NOW.  After of course questioning him as to whether I should drop out of competition prep class because I wasn’t good enough.  After berating him with whining about how I’m never going to get better.  After begging him to schedule me some more practice time for my weaknesses so I don’t come into prep class being the worst.  After he had to basically shake me and pound into me “Trust the process” every day for a week.  

But NOT…I just breathe.  Trust the process.  And go back to struggling through my negatives. 

Row, Row, Row Your Boat....For 26.2

The timing was perfect.  I had just vowed to abandon my jump rope for a month after the 5000 Double Under Challenge.  I had decided I was going to work on pullups now between my lifting sets during O-Class.  And then it popped up on my Facebook messages like a bright light coming out of the Internet-Cloud heavens…”Behold…your new CrossFit Challenge.  Go forth and conquer.” To which I aptly replied “Your will be done."

At least that’s what Shaunna would have you believe.  Instead it was another challenge posted by Performance as Rx (the dirty bastards who drove Bryn and I into torn up shins and abandoned ropes).  Simple: Row a marathon.  Say what?  Yes, row a marathon.  You run marathons.  You love half-marathons.  Make the rower your friend and simply row 26.2.  Here, we’ll make it easier for you.  Do it with a team of 4.  It’s only 41,920 meters.  A simple 10,480 m each.  Rich did it.  Him and 2 other CrossFit badasses did it in 2 ½ hours.  So can you. 

And so, with resolve matched only by Barney Stinson’s, “Challenge Accepted!”  Last Thursday, Bryn and myself resolved to row a marathon.  Shaunna, sadly was a no go due to an unfortunate car wreck (she’s fine…car…not so much).  Sad face.  Heather had agreed to join us when she got off of work at 7.  It was 5:45pm and Bryn and I knew we needed to get started if we didn’t want to be there all night.  Row an hour Just the Two of Us?  As motivating as Will Smith’s song is, I wasn’t jiggy with it so we decided to recruit a third victim.  Elizabeth.  Poor Elizabeth.  Poor girl made the dire mistake upon our approach of saying “I hate rowing!”  To which Bryn blessedly replied “Find your weaknesses.  Make friends with them, then beat them to death.”  I love it when he quotes my future ex-husband.  Elizabeth agreed to row with us, but only until Heather appeared.  Having to borrow a pair of my shoes (luckily, I always seem to have a whole CrossFit shoe store in my gym bag) as she was only at the gym because she was locked out of her apartment, Elizabeth began the 26.2 journey with Bryn and myself at 6:30 pm.

We agreed to approach the challenge with smiles on our faces, convinced that the challenge would best be undertaken at a leisurely pace.  While Rich and his team aimed for times that the CrossFit gods would nod approvingly to, fully mortal we aimed at simply finishing – preferably before the next sunrise.  At 6,000 m Heather appeared to join us, and Elizabeth (poor girl) knew she was damned well hooked and would not leave until the challenge was completed.  

Merrily, we rowed along, laughing, joking, wondering where Dickey Blaze was with our pizza dinner (this would never appear).  There were a group of boys using the batting cages next to us and while I’m sure a few softballs were meant for our heads as a little game for them, they clearly enjoyed a chuckle or two witnessing our insanity.  At one point, we had the brilliant idea of working on pullups while the other rowed.  Yes, pullups.  Because it is not enough to use your grip for 26.2 of rowing.  You must try to tear your hands – everyone knows no challenge is complete without blood.

Almost 3 hours later, our row was nearly complete.  With slightly over 1500m to go, we pondered, how should we end this sojourn of ours?  Recalling that Rich & Co. rowed the 26.2 in 2 ½ there was also the little image of that 1;30 something as their finishing ave. time/500m.  Now there’s something we can aim for!  Little ol’ chickadees were not going to pull sub-1:40 at the end of a marathon…but we had a secret weapon.  Very few people know that Superman is a coach at our gym.  We have none other than….the very obsessed with Smallville, Bryn Herrin!  Bryn would be the last rower!  He could pull us to victory!  And at 3:09:46 with a final pull of 1:41/500m victory was ours!  Challenge complete!

P.S. – Performance As Rx you can take your 2012 Thrusters by January 31^st and…..  Let’s just say I will not be participating in a 3^rd challenge at the moment.